You have broken up with your girlfriend or boyfriend yet you still feel like you love him/her a lot. You are having a heartache because you know you still love him/her but everyone says that your relationship is over and you need to move on. But you cannot help thinking "It did not have to end". Do you want to fight for your previous relationship and win your ex back?
Breaking ups are not nice experiences as you feel heartbroken and depressed. Sometimes anger embraces you and you become confused with all the mix of emotions you are having. It is pretty natural that you would feel the need to look for attention and help. However, if you really want to win your ex back; you need to remain calm, collected, stop being resentful and need to make a plan. Yes, a plan. If you can do the things at the right time, it is possible for you to be able to win your ex back.
This article is definitely is not about playing games to make your ex love you back. We will only explain you how you can apply some knowledge of human psychology in your life and build yourself a path to the possibility of winning your ex back. You will find three steps to follow in this article yet always keep in mind that since you cannot force anyone to love you (and that is not ethical as much as it is not possible), these steps will help yet they do not guarantee anything.
In this first step, we are going to explain you the most common and biggest mistakes lovers do after breaking up. These mistakes, if done, will greatly reduce your chances of winning your ex back in the future so be careful and try not to fall in them. This is perhaps the most important step, so make sure to about these mistakes.
Some people tend to beg their ex to get back to them after breaking up and actually that is the worst mistake you can ever do. Begging, at that time while you have a brokenheart, might feel like the best thing to do yet it really is not. No one wants to be with someone who desperately needs other people. Begging is a really dislikeable thing to do and it will push your ex away and will make him/her think that she/he has done something really good for themselves by breaking up with you.
Altruism means sacrificing one`s self and needs and devoting yourself to the interests and needs of others. Altruism in a romantic relationship might be good within some limits yet overly doing it, like sacrificing your own happiness for the one you love, is not going to help you like you think it would. If you are doing this, it means you are ready to do anything for your ex to make him/her get back to you. If you find yourself uttering words and sentences like "Please, don`t leave me. I would do anything for you. Just don`t leave me." then you are doing this big mistake.
Doing this will also push the one you love away from you because no one likes a person who does not have his/her own ideas, ideals, feelings or needs. So, no matter how it feels, doing this will never work in your favor. Moreover, if you ever even manage to get your ex back this way, we can say that you will most likely to have a relationship which is plain, heart breaking and unsatisfying and which will not last for long.
This is also one of the mistakes that is being fallen for quite commonly. People tend to think, after breaking up, if their beloved would not talk to them, sending them lots and lots of messages about how sorry they are, how much they love them and how much they want them back will work on their behalf to make things better. Unfortunately, the truth is that it never works that way. At any cost, try to avoid doing that.
If really want to win your ex back, you should be away from him/her as much as possible for now (and we will later explain the reason for this in step 2). If you keep calling and messaging your ex, this will make you look like a person who is an attention seeker and who has nothing else to do. And that is definitely something that would push your beloved far away from you.
Giving Your Ex The Leash
Even if it has been your ex who has ended your relationship, do not give the leash of everything to him/her. You might find yourself thinking like, if he/she ended the relationship, then what he/she would do about it for now is more important and secretly you keep waiting for your ex to say something, making yourself always available for him/her. Your behavior as if life has no meaning for you without your ex will make your ex stop respecting you.
Freaking Out Upon Finding Out Your Ex Is Seeing Someone Else
After breaking ups we feel all messed up with all the depressed feelings, the broken heart and we feel like in pain and we usually are very confused during this period. And if your ex happens to start seeing someone else when you are in this period, this messes us up. We would be even more depressed and even more confused. It might look you like your ex started to be intimate with others so quickly. For example, it maybe took a month for your first kiss yet she/he kissed the new person at the first date.
If that is the case with you, do NOT freak out. It is very expected for people who have broken up to build and look for relationships like that for a person who has broken up feels all empty and in need of attention and affection. The good thing with that is the fact that this kind of relationships never last long. Usually the faster the relationship gets closer, the quicker it ends. It does not take much time for people who have relationships like that to realize that the person they are being in a relationship is not the right person for them and they have been doing it only because they needed some affection and intimacy.
Because of these reasons, if your ex happens to start seeing someone else the only thing you need to do is remaining calm about it and not freaking out. Do not try to make them see they are making a mistake by starting such a relationship because your ex would do just the opposite of what you say if you tell him/her something like that. Instead of that remain calm and indifferent to the situation and focus on your own like (like being busy with your hobbies etc.). That`ll make your ex cquestion what he/she is doing. And that way, the new quick relationship your ex has will end as soon as possible.
All these mistakes we mention might look innocent yet they are fatal to the possibility of winning your ex back. So, do your best to avoid these mistakes. We know that the suggestions above are pretty much against how you would feel like to do after a breaking up yet they will really work on your life and make things easier for you. If you have done any of them, do not be sad and disappointed with yourself as it is never too late to find the right way and make up for your mistakes. Just be careful not to fall for them again.
Now since you know what you should not do, we can start with the things you should do.
The first thing to do with the step 2 is to stay away from your ex completely and not doing anything about him/her. It should be like you have forgotten about your ex and going on with your own life. Surely, you might feel worried and ask questions like...
"What if he/she moves on?"
"What if he/she starts dating someone else?"
"What if he/she forgets about how perfect we used to be if i do not try to remind him/her that?"
All common questions and the answer to all of them is the same; "No, such a thing will not happen."
Take A Break
Forgetting something is never an easy thing to do. Trying to move on after a breaking up is not easy, either. As these are not easy for you, they are not easy for your ex, either. Even though your ex might look all cool about it outside, the truth is that possibly he/she is in pain as much as you are in. We are not telling you to completely forget about your ex for good. Of course you will be talking to your ex again sometime and perhaps you will start to spend time together all over again. Yet, this is only possible after a certain period of time has passed. How long this period of time would be can change depending on how long it has been since the time you have broken up with your ex, so it can be a week or two or perhaps a month. However, you do not want to keep this period of time too long and risk losing your ex by giving him/her the time to move on.
You do not have to tell your ex that you are stopping seeing him/her and will stay away from him/her from now on. If you are in the same class, working in the same place with your ex or somehow you have to see him/her everyday, just say a "Hi". Avoid talking to your ex too much unless it is really necessary. There can be short daily conversations between you and your ex yet do not prolong it.
It might have been a month or more since you have broken up with your ex for some of you and, because of that, you probably want to pass to the next step directly. Yet do not do that because there are a few other things you need to do in this step before you can advance to the next. So, complete the tasks given for this month, then advance to the next step the next month.
So What Should You Do The Next Month?
The next step is sit down and think of the reasons why you want to be with your ex again. After breaking ups, most people become so depressed and lost in mixed, confusing and sometimes painful feelings that they start telling themselves things like "I cannot live without him/her!", "I won`t ever be moving on and now am forever alone", "I cannot love again". We have news for you; None of these are true! You have to embrace the fact that your life will go on either with or without your ex. Even though you cannot win your ex back, one day the pain will go away and you will fall in love and be happy again. This does not meant that, of course, you should forget about your ex completely. It just means that life would still be good for you without your ex. If you become a person who enjoys living, people will enjoy your company.
Now since you started to be able to think reasonably again, start thinking of your relationship. Do you really believe that you can start a satisfying, happy and long lasting relationship with your ex again? Think with your brain, not with your heart. Remember what your relationship was like. The only person who can give the right decision about that is you now. If you think that relationship is worth fighting for, keep on reading.
Try To Figure Out What Went Wrong
You need to try to figure out what went wrong in your relationship and start working on it. If you do not find out what that was and improve yourself, it will again cause your ex to leave you whatever it was. There`s no doubt that every breaking up is for a different reason and these reasons can vary a lot, yet usually the real reason for it never shows itself at the time of the breaking up. Sometimes, when breaking up, lovers can give out very plain excuses like "I do not love you anymore" or "It does not work for us anymore". Or the reason for breaking up can be unfaithfulness. At this case, try to understand why your ex cheated on you and think of what the real reason behind the excuses can be.
What guys and girls want and expect from a happy relationship are quite different and you need to understand what your beloved wants and expects from that relationship if you want your relationship to be a long lasting one. When guys end a relationship, the reason is usually that they could not get what they wanted from the girl. This does not have to be only sex. Try do not use the strategy of "I have changed for you." When intense emotions like love are involved, it is hard to find any reason in the decisions that have been given. Yet if you can change yourself in a good way and try to solve the problems together with your ex, it will be possible for you to start a brand new, happy, long lasting relationship.
Look After Yourself, Be Sociable And Start To Enjoy Your Life
There are a few more things you need to do before you start being in contact with your ex again.
* It is really important that you look after yourself. Do not drop doing things you used to do before you have broken up with your ex to look your best. Exercising a bit everyday will help you with that. It will reduce your stress, make you feel good and help you look even better.
* You need to start spending time with your friends. Being sociable is very important. This is a good opportunity to catch up with your friends and get some time to do things that you enjoy.
* Do the things that you like and enjoy. Perhaps your favorite past time activity, your hobbies. Or just get a new hobby.
The things we listed above might not look significiant to you right now, yet do believe that they are really important and even crucial things to do during this period of time. These advices will help you realize how good life is and when you start to enjoy your life, you will surely attract your ex`s attention. Moreover, these advices will make you feel much better about yourself by boosting your self esteem and confidence and this is very important for the 3rd step.
Towards the end of this period, you will begin to think with your reason, not with your emotions and decide if you should give another chance to your relationship. Once you make your decision, you can advance to the 3rd step.
Alright. Now you are calm, cool, collected, not resentful and are sure that you want to be back with your ex. The advices in this step, step 3, is the things you need to follow after at least a month has passed since the day you have broken up and after you have followed and carried out the previous advices.
Contact Your Ex
Now you can start having a contact with your ex. At this first step, of course, you are not going to tell your ex that you want to be back with him/her. You can either call your ex or send him/her a message or even e-mail him/her or write on his/her facebook wall. Yet the best way to start being in contact with your ex is to write him/her a letter with your own handwriting. In the world of electronic messages, a message with your own handwriting worths 10 times of an electronic message. Come think of it, how would you feel if your friend sent you a letter with his/her own handwriting? Would not it warm your heart that they put some effort in it and have written you a letter instead of a facebook wall post? Would not that be sweet? Yet, be careful! What you write and do not write in that letter is very important and they will affect you in a positive or negative way. So, you need to be really carefuly with your choices of words and spelling.
Meet Your Ex
If you think the reaction you have gotten after you have contacted your ex again is positive, tell your ex that you want to meet him/her. This meeting should be a night at the cinema or having a dinner together. It should be something short and simple yet nice. You even might not call it a meeting. Just tell your ex that you want to see him/her. It can perhaps be having a brief lunch or coffee together. Just to catch up with each other.
The purpose of this brief meeting is to make it possible to have an emotional bond with your ex again. Do not try to solve your problems or discuss what went wrong with your relationship. Actually, if there is still love and passion for each other between a breaking up couple, those problems will be solved themselves. Yet if it lacks passion then even the smallest problems will look like a mountain of trouble.
If you can go through this emotionally intense meeting with a positive result, you will see that that has been more effective than a two hour speech you would do about what went wrong in your relationship.
Be The One He/She Is In Love With
After the meeting, you need to show your ex how you changed in a good way. You need to be the person who he/she once loved. Do not talk about the problems in your relationship, yet if your ex wants to talk about them just listen and do not make comments on them. If your ex insists on talking about it, tell him/her that you do not want to talk about it right now yet maybe you can talk about them sometime later.
There`s something very important about human psychology that you need to know. Our brain relates emotions with objects, smells, happenings and other people. For example, the smell of freshly baked cake might remind you of your childhood. Just like that, our brain tends to relate people with the bad incidents happened in a relationship. If your breaking up with your ex has been a very bad experience then it is most likely that his/her brain relates you to negative feelings and emotions. And whenever your ex sees you, he/she will feel like how he/she felt at the time when you have broken up or started a fight. Because of that, in order stop this negative effect from being dominating in his/her mind, you need to try hard and be really kind, gentle and considerate towards your ex.
Take The Right Steps
This meeting is going to be a brief yet nice opportunity to have a bond and to reconsider your relationship for both of you. However, still, you can help your ex consider a brand new relationship with you by taking the right steps during this meeting. If the fire of passion and love for him/her in your heart is still the same and if you can tell that your ex still has something for you, your heart and reason will show you the right steps. Good luck!
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